062809

This week I learned that the premise for Yann Martel's Life of Pi is taken from and earlier German book. This fact liberates me completely. For me coming up with fantastical tales is no problem--it's the premises I get hung up on. No more!

A writer is someone who can make a riddle out of an answer.

--Karl Kraus

_____

My life is much richer now than it ever was on the west coast. One rolls out of bed and the world comes tumbling in. I was lonely, utterly alone (even when I was lucky enough to be in a love relationship), and totally uncultured during my entire stay out west. Now I am bubbling over with verve and satisfaction, constantly interacting with people, witnessing daily all the world has to offer. My life was almost lost and I have recovered it successfully!

Meeting up with old friends and having deep, substantive, meaningful discussions is making my life complete. It feels spectacular to have people wanting to see me again (and letting me know as much!), to have real friends deeply concerned for my welfare, to feel hip and in sync and admired instead of vilified at every turn. I would say, roughly speaking, that I'm in my own heaven on earth. And I will not leave again, not the deep-seated sense of belonging, of being where I should be, of being in the one place that makes my heart sing.

*Poem*

This attempt at poetry is inspired by my old friend Pam Tanowitz's show called Be in the Grey with Me; Pam is the choreographer for and founder of the Pam Tanowitz Dance Company. I haven't seen modern dance in ages. With this show the company veritably blew my mind.

The Dance Language

I saw a stage show last week.

Unlike most of the stage shows

I've seen in my life,

in this one no one spoke--

they danced!

At first I thought,

"How can so many be on stage

not talking to each other?"

(the playwright in me did)

but then I realized that

in dancing in fact

they were speaking volumes.

It took a full two days

before it really started

to sink in just how much

had been spoken

without a single word uttered.

I find now I'm desperate

to understand that

dance language better,

or even just at all.

What a feat, I thought

as I sat mesmerized,

to get all these grown adults

to put on costumes

and prance, hop, and fall

all over the stage,

fully aware of all the people

watching. We could not pull

our eyes away, and the dancers

ate it up. The more we looked

the deeper they sank into

their roles. The deeper they

sank into them the greater

the spectacle became.

I have never seen a language

so evocative and inspired.

I speak several tongues

and modern dance is not one.

It is certain to be

the next one I learn though.

My array of options for

communication is, I see now,

starkly lacking.

*Shows*

So I saw this stunning dance performance last week (see above) and this week I saw one of my favorite vocalists, Sonya Kitchell, in a phenomenal show at Joe's Pub, part of the Joseph Papp public theater. I'm happy to report that Joe's Pub replaces what was lost with the demise of the Bottom Line--and then some. It's classier (albeit more expensive) and genuinely more enjoyable, and it has that same casual cabaret feeling we loved so much about the Bottom Line--that a place can be both classy and casual is a remarkable New-York facet. I went with my old #1 buddy Adam Schatz; we saw many shows together, back in the DAY!, and it felt like old times. The show was truly magnificent from beginning to end, with mostly new material and only a couple of older (still only a couple of years old) songs.

As we waited for things to begin I admitted to Adam that I had no idea what the instrumentation would be like but, I said, there would probably be a couple of jazz players on stage. My was I wrong about the gist of the show! There was already a double bass on stage when we arrived, no big whoop to see a piano and a bass on stage. But when the rest of the band came on, my jaw dropped. I double checked with Adam that I was actually seeing what I saw. The full band was double bass (the only jazz player), piano (played by Sonya), cello, two violins, and drums. It was a hybrid chamber-music orchestra. The music they made was utterly sublime, especially with Ms Kitchell's awe-inpiring voice. This was not pop, rock, jazz, classical, or folk. It was a kind of music entirely unto itself.

It was a very intimate experience. Ms Kitchell was singing to us and no one else. It felt as though we were basking in the glow of her presence. SK can do absolutely anything with her voice, and her compositions are nothing if not evocative. The past couple of years she's been relying on her world-class falsetto a whole lot; while I enjoy her falsetto a great deal, I prefer her legit voice a lot more (legit for a singer means the regular register of the voice, no falsetto). In one of her earlier recordings she has a moment when, instead of soaring into her fluttery falsetto, she chooses to sing a line in her lowest register. She sings "spread my wings" in a very low voice and it sends shivers down my spine (in a really good way). I will be first on the list for the new chamber-music album. I can't get enough!

*Quotations*

An interpretation of Islam that is in harmony with equality and democracy is an authentic expression of faith.

--Shirin Ebadi

[True of any faith.]

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.

--JFK

[Peaceful is the way of modern (peri-millennial) revolutions.]

Peace is not only better than war, but infinitely more arduous.

--GB Shaw

[It takes a great deal more attention and practice.]

The practice of peace and reconciliation is one of the most vital and artistic of human actions.

--Thich Nhat Hanh

[Looking at history it's clear that there is always art to waging peace.]

The care of human life and happiness, and not their destruction, is the first and only object of good government.

--Jefferson

[Can you say, "HEALTH CARE like the rest of the industrialized world has!"?]

We tend to think the problem is human beings have this natural tendency to kill, and yet in the middle of a hot war, WWII, a "good war," as it were, the US army was astonished to learn that at least three out of every four riflemen who were trained to kill and commanded to kill could not bring themselves to pull the trigger when they could see the person they were ordered to kill. And that inner resistance to violence is a well kept secret.

--William Ury

[Competition is the same. The evidence I've seen says that we will choose _not to_ compete if given the chance.]

Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek, but a means by which we arrive at that goal.

--MLK Jr

[Our leaders have ignored this tenet.]

Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.

--Buddha

[_If_ you have inner peace, you can wage peace outside yourself successfully.]

Today is tomorrow's yesterday. Make the best of it for it will never come again.

--Janice Markowitz

[It does me a lot of good always to keep in mind this simple notion.]

Language ought to be the joint creation of poets and manual workers.

--George Orwell

[We need the dreams and idealism of poets and the good sense of manual workers.]

*Expat*

On a couple of occasions I have lived in and worked in other countries, thus I am a has-been expat. My longest stay was in Taiwan, a little more than a year, and I also spent about four months in Tokyo. While in Taiwan I came across a couple of books that described in detail the psychological, sociological, and other travails of those living overseas, particularly in east Asia. I found that the basic arc of changing attitudes described applied equally during my time in both countries: at first you went through disorientation, then glee at finding a place for yourself, then fascination with the host culture, then suddenly disgust with it and all those in it (this has to do with an inability to find the same outlets you are used to, for leisure, for pleasure, for midnight snacks, etc.), then finally a making of peace with where you are.

The phase of disgust was most interesting, and it quickly turned into searching for "replacements" for my old likes and haunts: smoking pot in movie theaters became smoking hash in so-called MTVs (where one rented a room to watch videos of bootlegged movies of every provenance), gawking at pretty ladies became harassing female servers at the local karaoke bar, midnight snacks switched from falafel stands to noodle stands. Still the old _kinds_ of pleasures were there for the taking, it just took further investigation beyond the surface to find them. The interim stage, when one fears they are not to be found at all, yields all sorts of incongruous thoughts, misplaced resentments, and unjustified malignments. Overcoming these maladjustments gives one much room for growth.

*News*

"18,000 people in our country die each year unnecessarily because they lack affordable health coverage."--Institute of Medicine of the National Academies

To me the health-care problem is a slightly different manifestation of the hunger problem: a massive cultural failing to take care of one's own. Some 20% of our nation is said to be at or below the government-set poverty line; health insurance for that mass of people is not even an option, at least not _real_ health insurance that takes care of real problems. Hunger problems are especially bad right now, as evidenced by the following article and increased pleas for help from hunger-aid organizations. This week, because of a matching grant, I made a small donation to Feeding America. Won't you consider doing the same? Every penny counts; one dollar can provide 14 meals or more. Please give today. From BBC News:

"One billion people throughout the world suffer from hunger, a figure which has increased by 100 million because of the global financial crisis, says the UN. The UN's Food and Agriculture Organisation (FAO) said the figure was a record high. Persistently high food prices have also contributed to the hunger crisis. The director general of the FAO said the level of hunger, one-sixth of the world's population, posed a "serious risk" to world peace and security. The UN said almost all of the world's undernourished live in developing countries, with the most, some 642 million people, living in the Asia-Pacific region. In sub-Saharan Africa, the next worst-hit region, the figure stands at 265 million.

"Just 15 million people are left hungry in the developed world. "The silent hunger crisis--affecting one-sixth of all of humanity--poses a serious risk for world peace and security," said Jacques Diouf. "We urgently need to forge a broad consensus on the total and rapid eradication of hunger in the world and to take the necessary actions." The increase in the number of hungry people was blamed on lower incomes and increased unemployment, which in turn reduced access to food by the poor, the UN agency said. But it contrasted sharply with evidence that much of the developed world is richer than ever before.

""It's the first time in human history that we have so many hungry people in the world," said FAO spokesman Kostas Stamoulis, director of the organisation's development department. "And that's a contradiction, because a lot of the world is very rich despite the economic crisis." Mr Diouf urged governments to provide development and economic assistance to boost agriculture, particularly by smallholder farmers. "Investment in agriculture must be increased because for the majority of poor countries a healthy agricultural sector is essential to overcome poverty and hunger and is a pre-requisite for overall economic growth," he said.

"The UK's international development ministry (Dfid) said the figures were "a scandal" and said it was helping some of the poorest farmers in the world to boost the amount of food they produce. "In the last year we have pledged more than £900 million to lift millions out of hunger to help farmers boost agriculture production," a Dfid spokesman said. The UN warns that poor people living in cities will probably face the most severe problems in coping with the global recession, because lower export demand and reduced foreign investment are likely to hit urban jobs harder. Many migrants to urban areas would be likely to return to rural areas, it added, transferring the burden.

"Incomes have also dropped "substantially" in some developing countries where families depend on remittances from relatives working abroad. With the financial crisis hitting all parts of the world more or less simultaneously, developing countries have less room to adjust, the UN agency says. Among the pressures is the reality that borrowing from international capital markets is "more limited" in a global crisis, the FAO said. Food costs in developing countries now seem more expensive, despite prices in world markets declining during the food and fuel crisis of 2006-08, it added. They remained on average 24% higher in real terms by the end of 2008 compared to 2006. "For poor consumers, who spend up to 60% of their incomes on staple foods, this means a strong reduction in their effective purchasing power," the FAO said."

*Synesthesia*

A natural perfumer sent the following video to the natural-perfume list this week. This strange little movie makes so much sense to me I'm left thinking, "Duh. Of course words are food and music is undergrowth and smells are colors." Still I find this exhilarating and fascinating:

http://www.territimely.com/_/v/2-short-films?video_id=34

*Music*

Top Ten Joe Henry songs:

12. Ohio Air Show Plane Crash

11. Parker's Mood

10. You Can't Fail Me Now (co-written with Loudon Waiwright III)

9. Civilians

8. Flag

7. Dirty Magazines

6. Civil War

5. God Only Knows

4. Loves You Madly

3. Time is a Lion

2. This Afternoon

1. Our Song

Peace, love, and ATOM jazz

062109

I've got serious GAS (Gear Acquisition Syndrome) for an iPhone 3G S, Apple's latest iteration of this delightful machine. The latest supports MMS, shooting video, voice control, and many more improvements, in addition to being much faster. The prices have even been improved (a regular iPhone is now only $99!) so there's a chance I can afford one, especially if they have refurbished ones available.

*Poem*

Wisdom

I took a cab ride home the other night.

Straight up First Avenue from

the east Village to East 58th Street.

One of those scenes you just sort of

find yourself in and start picking up

on some transcendence, some greater

work of art in the wind, some spark

of continuity and clairvoyance.

I rolled down the window as I got in

and as the taxi picked up speed

I felt as though the wind blowing

through the open window was in fact

blowing me back to square one,

to the conceptions I began with,

to my first larger aims,

but now with all the wisdom 20 years

will bring in retrospect.

I passed a street corner where I had

a nasty run in with a street person once,

passed a block where I was schooled

by one or two fists (for reasons

since forgotten), an awning under which

I kissed one of the very first girls I loved,

a stretch of blocks that has always

reminded me of the me I left behind

when became a man, and the intersection

where I first came to know that love

means loss necessarily. Rarely are we

wise enough to love what we've always had.

Perhaps this is the essence of The Journey:

one must love what one has

and the quest is to clarify exactly

what one can call one's own, what one loves

enough to live well and fully and proudly,

even as the boy is banished from

the terrain of one's face,

the home of the ghosts of one's dreams,

the last known address of one's longing.

My new address is simple. Plain. Everyday.

*Quotations*

Good writing is always about things that are important to you, things that are scary to you, things that eat you up. But the writing is a way of not allowing those things to destroy you.

--John Edgar Wideman

Art is the triumph over chaos.

--John Cheever

Art, in itself, is an attempt to bring order out of chaos.

--Stephen Sondheim

We adore chaos because we love to produce order.

--MC Escher

Chaos in the world brings uneasiness, but it also allows the opportunity for creativity and growth.

--Tom Barrett

Chaos is the score upon which reality is written.

--Henry Miller

Chaos is a name for any order that produces confusion in our minds.

--George Santayana

Real discoveries come from chaos.

--Chuck Palahniuk

Any change is resisted because bureaucrats have a vested interest in the chaos in which they exist.

--Nixon

Anything you build on a large scale or with intense passion invites chaos.

--Francis Ford Coppola

*Sacred*

When I was a boy in the 70s my mother kept a big scrapbook in which she inscribed her most loved language. Occasionally we would go to the book together and she would read to me; my memories of those occasions strike me distinctly now as sacred occasions, more so than I've ever felt in a church or temple. I remember this poem, I am Waiting by Lawrence Ferlinghetti, as if it makes up an essential part of my original ideas about the world. It does. As such, my original conceptions were radical and revolutionary; my ideals most certainly still are. To me this sums up the whole idea of beat poetry. Every word of poetry I've ever written is in my heart of hearts an homage to this transcendent piece. I am eternally indebted to my mother who gave me a deathless and ever-inspiring gift in my appreciation for this piece. As per the final words, this poem _is_ the 'great indelible poem' in my life. Success, Mr Ferlinghetti! I will transcribe my favorite verses here, 1st, 5th, 7th/final stanzas:

I am Waiting (Lawrence Ferlinghetti, 1958)

I am waiting for my case to come up

and I am waiting

for a rebirth of wonder

and I am waiting for someone

to really discover America

and wail

and I am waiting

for the discovery

of a new symbolic western frontier

and I am waiting

for the American Eagle

to really spread its wings

and straighten up and fly right

and I am waiting

for the Age of Anxiety

to drop dead

and I am waiting

for the war to be fought

which will make the world safe

for anarchy

and I am waiting

for the final withering away

of all governments

and I am perpetually awaiting

a rebirth of wonder.

I am waiting for my number to be called

and I am waiting

for the living end

and I am waiting

for dad to come home

his pockets full

of irradiated silver dollars

and I am waiting

for the atomic tests to end

and I am waiting happily

for things to get much worse

before they improve

and I am waiting

for the Salvation Army to take over

and I am waiting

for the human crowd

to wander off a cliff somewhere

clutching its atomic umbrella

and I am waiting

for Ike to act

and I am waiting

for the meek to blessed

and inherit the earth

without taxes

and I am waiting

for forests and animals

to reclaim the earth as theirs

and I am waiting

for a way to be devised

to destroy all nationalisms

without killing anybody

and I am waiting

for linnets and planets to fall like rain

and I am waiting for lovers and weepers

to lie down together again

in a new rebirth of wonder.

I am waiting

to get some intimations

of immortality

by recollecting my early childhood

and I am waiting

for the green mornings to come again

youth's dumb green fields come back again

and I am waiting

for some strains of unpremeditated art

to shake my typewriter

and I am waiting to write

the great indelible poem

and I am waiting

for the last long careless rapture

and I am perpetually waiting

for the fleeing lovers on the Grecian Urn

to catch each other up at last

and embrace

and I am awaiting

perpetually and forever

a renaissance of wonder.

*Progress*

One of the essential problems with the idea of progress (and infinite growth) is that with every supposed improvement there comes an unforeseen cost which often negates the benefits of the improvement in the first place. [For what it's worth, in my mind's eye this problem is definitely orange.] Examples include: with improved speed of travel comes the cost of noise, with improved speed of communication come heavier demands on the energy infrastructure, with improved cleanliness we become more susceptible to germs when we are eventually exposed to them, with improvements in efficiency and environmental areas often come drawbacks like mercury (in CFL bulbs) and MBTE (a gasoline additive intended to reduce harmful emissions but which causes cancer and birth defects), and improvements in the price of raw materials (to manufacturers) and manufacturing processes often end up yielding inferior but less expensive (to end users and manufacturers both) products, with acrylic clothing at the top of the list.

In fact clothing is the quintessential example of "progress" not being progress at all: we started with the most efficient and best-working material, animal skins; when the world became more populated skins themselves became impossible for everyone to use so we moved to wool, next best to animal skins; eventually even wool became too expensive and we moved to cotton. Every step has been necessary and has left us worse off than we were before. Lord knows no one should have to wear the polyester and acrylic crap that lines clothing-store walls today! More harm than good, I'm sure I don't have to tell you. Beware progress! Do not be quick to think that every movement forward is in fact progress. Importantly, real progress invariably involves improvement in intangible things, relations (race, cultural, religious), understanding, sympathy, forgiveness. generosity. These and similar notions constitute our only way forward!

*Synesthesia*

A Facebook friend (Dan Godston) posted this notice this week. Wish we could explore every city this way.

"2009 is the centenary of the publication of The Plan of Chicago. The Synesthetic Plan of Chicago: A Multi-Sensory Journey Through Chicago and Its Neighborhoods corresponds with the celebration of this historic event. An interactive installation at the Chicago Cultural Center Visitor Information Center (77 E. Randolph Street), The Synesthetic Plan of Chicago is part of the citywide summer tourism initiative, Explore Chicago: Take A Neighborhood Vacation (June 1–September 30). More than 40 artists and organizations have joined in creating this exploration of Chicago through the five senses. Visitors and locals can experience Chicago imagery, sounds, fragrances, flavors and textures captured in miniature neighborhood scenes such as a mapping of the tastes and recipes of Chinatown, and an exploration of East Garfield Park candy. SPC’s participating artists and organizations have designed installation pieces which invite people to interact with the sensory “artifacts” of Chicago in creative and imaginative ways, and to think about synesthetic connections with things that relate to Chicago. The Synesthetic Plan of Chicago is commissioned by the City of Chicago, and it is co-curated by Annie Heckman and Daniel Godston."

*Design*

The best education I ever received on graphic design--designing anything for that matter--came from a book called "Forget all the rules you ever learned about graphic design, including the ones in this book," by Bob Gill, son of the man who created the greatest 20th-century sans-serif font, Gill Sans (the ultra-bold variety in particular somehow encapsulates the modern day). This book is the perfect anti-establishment work. Mr Gill went from being a designer to being a teacher and this book is largely a product of his dismay at what he saw from students in design school. His basic premise: any given design project presents a problem that needs an answer (Is our product the best? Will you benefit from our product? How are we better than others? Etc.); often the best answers come from turning the question on its head. For example: Why is our company the worst possible choice? It isn't; it's actually the best choice--but we got your attention.

This intellectual starting point is very unlike what one would learn in art school. In the book Gill excoriates what he sees as the ineffectual products of anti-intellectual schooling--folks highly skilled at design solutions they can't explain, justify, or back up. When he first started teaching he was stunned that students actually believed just the right font, or the right color, or the right geometric shape were things that could make or break a design. Quickly he got to the point where his rule was simple: if one cannot _describe_ the design solution, in words, the design is lacking. He required all students to _talk about_ there ideas rather than showing off the latest design trick or technology--and this was back in the 70s. This caused no small degree of discomfort among his art-centric students. The point he tried to get across is that this is _communication_ art, emphasis on the communication of _ideas_.

I found all this incredibly valuable. One of the first solutions I came up with after reading the book was a poster for Whatcom Watch; it was a poster calling for volunteers. I thought, "Okay, we need volunteers. How do I turn this problem on its head?" I worked with an illustrator who drew whimsical line-art portraits of everyday people, a student, a nurse, an old lady, etc. I put them together in an attractive, text-heavy layout; Gill would have been proud as the graphics were clearly not the point. The point was the patter that appeared: "What, do you think we _need_ people like you? You're right, we do. We are Whatcom Watch, Whatcom County's environmental monthly. We've been keeping tabs on local environmental and political issues for almost a decade--and we're not about to stop. But we need your help." This is one of my designs I'm most proud of. Thanks to Bob Gill.

*Poem*

Moon Rock II

That old piece of the moon

my old friend Katie gave me

survived the recent

tumult in my life

better than anything else I own.

As I've come full circle

I see the importance of

the commemorative stamps

better than ever.

We landed on the moon

the year I was born!

How full of hope

people must have been.

Anything was suddenly possible.

My mother must have been

equally hopeful,

about her new son,

about her marriage,

about what would be possible

in her lifetime.

The sad thing is

we have all been schooled.

Anything is most certainly

_not_ possible,

we have overstepped our bounds,

and the world is unhappy, unfit,

and uncared for.

The hope we had in 1969

is bursting into flames

like Icarus's wings.

*Music*

"I was raised in a Catholic school, learned who to fire with and pray to.

I learned how to hold on from a book of old Psalms.

And if you're trying to sing an old song, you're getting all the words wrong.

Well, you're just a-following along too closely in the book."

--M. Ward

"Though our fathers' fathers slept in stolen houses--

all that's over now.

And our babies never cry.

And we can look you in the eye

and say, 'We're not afraid to die'.

And, yes, our mothers' mothers saw in black and white--

but all that's over now.

And our children never lie.

And no matter how we try

we are not afraid to die."

--Iron & Wine

The above song, which is a little more than a minute long, is the best track I've heard yet from Iron & Wine. It shows remarkable depth of historical understanding, and insight into the human condition, with the tongue-in-cheek and sardonic character so typical of Sam Beam.

_____

Top ten random jazz tracks:

12. Soul Dance, Joshua Redman

11. Suspended Variation II, Tomasz Stanko

10. Once in a Lifetime (Talking Heads), Jacqui Naylor

9. Birdland (Weather Report), Niacin

8. Company, Patricia Barber

7. Do like Les, John Scofield

6. Revolution (Marley), Charlie Hunter

5. Waltz for Geri, Pat Martino

4. Lonnie's Lament (Coltrane), Kenny Garrett

3. Poochie Pie, Mike Mainieri

2. Who was That Girl?, Bill Frisell

1. November, Dave Douglas

Peace, love, and ATOM jazz

061409

This week I met up with some of my oldest friends, my best friends, whom I haven't seen in almost 20 years. I couldn't possibly express how fantastic it is to be home again. I was about to curl up and die in Portland, smothered in and strangled by utter solitude. Lo and behold, I've come alive again!

*Index*

Adam's Index

Degree to which MS hampers my ability to be vegan: 100%

Speed with which I would switch back to being a vegan if I (suddenly, miraculously) didn't have MS or if they came out with a cure: immediate

Number of reasons for this choice: countless but including social (disparity between the wealthy world and the poor), economic (ditto and it takes 10 pounds of grain to make 1 pound of meat, that's 10 pounds of food taken from the plates of the world's starving; so meat eating is drastically inefficient and the wrong moral choice in economic terms), philosophical (see above and I'm a Taoist with the morals of a Buddhist), scientific/ecological (inefficiency is a scientist's arch enemy), environmental (untold millions of acres of arable land has been destroyed to make way for cattle and other hoofed beasts), and many more

Effect the choice to be an omnivore has on me: sobering

Degree to which my quality of life is better as an carnivore: 1,000%

Amount of dairy I consume: extremely little

Amount by which dairy is worse for your body than meat: many times

Ranking in the world of the number of Americans with osteoporosis: top three, along with the Swedish and the Alaskan Inuit

Causal relationship between dairy consumption and osteoporosis: incontrovertible

Favorite vegan cuisine: south Indian (a cuisine that's been around for a couple of thousand years)

*Top*

Top five omnivorous dishes:

5. Sausage and ricotta calzone

4. Chicken wings

3. A decent hamburger done medium rare

2. Two eggs over medium with bacon, rye toast, and hashbrowns

1. The short ribs at Rosa Mexicana on the corner, a five star restaurant with a well deserved reputation and very high prices

*Quotations*

Worthless people live only to eat and drink; people of worth eat and drink only to live.

--Socrates

Nothing would be more tiresome than eating and drinking if God had not made them a pleasure as well as a necessity.

--Voltaire

There is no love sincerer than the love of food.

--George Bernard Shaw

If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold it would be a merrier world.

--JRR Tolkien

Red meat is _not_ bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that’s bad for you!

--Tommy Smothers

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

--Buddy Hackett

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

--Calvin Trillin

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

--Mark Twain

There are people in the world so hungry that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

--Gandhi

Nothing will benefit human health and increase the chances for survival of life on earth as much as the evolution to a vegetarian diet.

--Einstein

*Politics*

By Maureen Dowd for The New York Times:

"Can The One have fun?

"The fun police are patrolling Pennsylvania Avenue. Given the serious times, the chatter goes, should Barack Obama be allowed to enjoy date night with Michelle in New York, sightseeing in Paris, golf outings in D.C., not to mention doing a promotion for Conan O'Brien and a video cameo for Stephen Colbert's first comedy show from Iraq? With two wars and G.M. in bankruptcy proceedings, shouldn’t the president be glued to the grindstone, emulating W.'s gravity when he sacrificed golf in 2003 as the Iraq insurgency spread? "I don't want some mom whose son may have recently died to see the commander in chief playing golf," the former president explained later. "I think, you know, playing golf during a war just sends the wrong signal."

"Actually, what sends the wrong signal is going to war with a phony justification, inadequate troop levels, insufficient armor, an inept Defense secretary and an inability to admit for years, deadly ones, that you needed counterinsurgency experts. The right signal is Michelle and her daughters being charming ambassadors, “gobsmacking” the town, as a British tabloid put it, by scarfing down fish and chips at a London pub for £7.95 (about $13), like regular tourists. As a taxpayer, I am most happy to contribute to domestic and international date nights. As Arthur Schlesinger noted in his diaries, the White House tends to drive its occupants nuts. So some respite from the pressure is clearly a healthy thing. Not as much respite as W. took, bicycling and vacationing through all the disasters that President Obama is now stuck fixing--spending a total of 490 days in the tumbleweed isolation of Crawford and rarely deigning to sightsee as he traveled the world.

"Some White House officials fretted that the Obamas' Marine One and Gulfstream magic-carpet ride to dinner in Greenwich Village and a play on Broadway was too showy. Others thought it helped show a softer side of the often dispassionate Obama. Interestingly, Dr. No, Dick Cheney, declined to tut-tut with other Republicans, saying "I don’t know why not," when he was asked about the propriety of the president's getaway to Broadway. A far more mature response than Senator Chuck Grassley's nit-twit tweets grumbling about the president urging progress on health care "while u sightseeing in Paris." I loved the "Pretty Woman" romance of the New York tableau, the president, who had not lived an entitled life where he could afford such lavish gestures, throwing off his tie and whisking his wife, in a flirty black cocktail dress, to sip martinis in Manhattan, as Sasha hung over a White House balcony and called out goodbye.

"When the president and first lady walked to their seats in the Belasco for "Joe Turner's Come and Gone," the theater-goers went nuts. And why not? What a relief to have an urbane, cultivated, curious president who's out and about, engaged in the world. Not dangerously detached, as W. was, or darkly stewing like Cheney. Not hanging with the Rat Pack like J.F.K. or getting bored and up to mischief like Bill Clinton. It was lame of critics on Capitol Hill to carp that the Obamas could have taken in a play in D.C. I'm a native, but it's not the same. And it's nice to see them tending to their marriage. According to Richard Wolffe in "Renegade," his new book about the Obama campaign, it has taken effort to get the relationship this strong.

""She hated the failed race for Congress in 2000, and their marriage was strained by the time their youngest daughter, Sasha, was born a year later," Wolffe writes. "There was little conversation and even less romance. She was angry at his selfishness and careerism; he thought she was cold and ungrateful. Even as he ran for the United States Senate in 2004, she still harbored very mixed feelings about her husband’s love of politics. ... So she had played no part in Barack’s previous contests and preferred to keep her distance." Wolffe limns what those of us who traveled with Obama could see: He was often grumpy on the campaign. He missed his family. He disdained what he saw as superficial, point-scoring conventions of politics, like debates and macho put-downs and public noshing. The Chicago smarty-pants was a Michael Jordan clutch player who grew bored if he was not challenged.

"Being president, by contrast, suits him much better. He has not lapsed into his old ambivalence. He is intellectually engaged by sculpting history. The trellis of hideous problems is a challenge that lures him to be powerfully concentrated. And, as his aides say, he loves living above the family store. Mixing play with intense work is not only a good mental health strategy; it's a good way to show the world that American confidence and cool--and Cary Grant romantic flair--still thrive. Date on and tee it up, Mr. President. It's O.K. if they're teed off.

Peace, love, and ATOM jazz

060709

I don't want to live. I want to love first and live incidentally.

--Zelda Fitzgerald

_____

Some of you may remember I own (and love) an iPhone. Many people believe, mistakenly, that iPhones cost $300-400. AT&T sells _refurbished_ iPhones for $150. That's the only reason I own one. Considering how unbeatable this little machine is, that price is a _steal_. To own an iPhone is to have your computer in compact, mobile form. The screen is large and brilliant and there's virtually nothing you can't do with it, especially if you're a MobileMe subscriber, which syncs calendars, contacts, email, even browser (Safari) bookmarks with your computer; change those either on your computer or your phone and like magic they're automatically synced, wirelessly.

One can even use an iPhone synced with a Kindle--it remembers what you're reading and where you are, just like on a Kindle, so if you're stuck in a waiting room without your Kindle you can still read your book (unlike Kindle, however, the iPhone turns your book into an e-book (with a backlit screen)).

_____

Another quiz on Facebook this week was "what animal is your spirit guide?" Mine is the dolphin:

"You are a very mysterious and secluded person. You limit your interactions to a select few. These are your closest companions. You are all grace and intelligence. When you move, it is with purpose. When you speak it is with wisdom. But do not forget the importance of play! The Dolphin is here to remind you that life is not all proper and poise. It also needs a little time for you to enjoy yourself and those you love."

*Perfume*

Still waiting to hear back from the USPTO about my trademark on Eros Aromatics; it's just a matter of time, as I've already dealt with the opposition that the escort service Eros registered. We both had lawyers involved and they paid my re-filing fee. I must never refer to my company as Eros; it must be Eros Aromatics in full, but the best part is Eros is allowing me to do retail sales on erosaromatics.com. They have trademarks on Eros, Eros Men, Eros Toys, etc. so they are rightly concerned about infringement on those marks. Their opposition was based on the fact that I registered the trademark in a retail class and they use their name in retail. I re-filed in International Class 8 which is just for perfume and perfume-related items. They gave me the go-ahead and I can't imagine anyone else will have objections.

The next steps for me now are to firm up my plans for packaging and apply for the title Professional Perfumer from the Natural Perfumers Guild. I do have a personal assistant again and she will be able to help me prepare materials for the Guild. Once I get the title Professional Perfumer, I'll be able easily to find folks interested in being my apprentice. I wrote Anya McCoy (president of the Guild) and she said they used to have an intern program sponsored by the Guild (whereby interns to Professional Perfumers received credit for time spent working with the perfumer) but it was too messy and hard to keep track of so they scratched it; now the only benefit of apprenticing with me would be learning from me (though depending on the market I may have to offer a stipend). Another benefit of gaining the title of Professional will be that when I go into Henri Bendel, or Barney's, or Saks, to ask about their carrying my perfume, they will pay more attention to me than they would otherwise.

The requirements for the Guild are quite strict. The hardest part will be having finalized packaging; one of the perfumes one submits to the Guild must be in final, full-sized packaging. One must also submit samples of every perfume, and other items (deodorant, air spray, hair balm, etc.), in one's product line. Then when one launches a new perfume or product the Guild must receive a sample within two months of release. These requirements help ensure a standard of quality for anyone who calls him or herself a professional natural perfumer; at the moment their are a lot of hacks out there, with no real study or practice, trying to get in on the tide of natural-perfume popularity. This structure is the same kind that every artisan's guild has had since the middle ages (remember Grenouille from Perfume starts as an apprentice to Baldini and eventually gets his journeyman papers; unfortunately he lets himself be eaten alive before he reaches the official level master craftsman).

I have found bottles I like. My plan is to offer them with a screw cap, an atomizer, and a roll-on top (Serge Lutens does this, minus the roll-on). I will also offer each bottle with an embroidered handkerchief for help in application of the perfume if one desires; perfumed fabric stays fragrant much longer than skin, so after application one can throw the handkerchief in a purse or drawer for continued refreshers. The final element will be the box. One doesn't want to send out perfumes in a bottle alone; a nice box containing all the above elements is the classiest solution. I am also looking forward to selling solid perfumes as they are mostly unheard of (but infinitely useful; one can, for example, apply a solid perfume discreetly, at a dinner table or coffee shop or bar); I've also found the perfect jars for solids, aluminum exterior with a glass insert. Onward and upward!

*Index*

Adam's Index

Ranking of New York New York among cities on planet earth: 1

Number of bad things about New York New York: 0

Number of years Adam went lying to himself and everyone else about what's most important to him: almost 20

Degree to which he needed that time in order to appreciate fully his home: incalculable

Degree to which now is the best time to return home: inestimable

Amount by which the cost of living in New York has decreased: about half

Number of things to do in New York on any given day or evening: infinite

Frequency of feeling isolated in New York: never ever, even for the disabled

Frequency of feeling isolated in, say, Portland Oregon: constant

Number one aspect of New York: there is _always_ life on the streets

*Top*

Top five aspects of being home again

5. Friends

4. Family

3. The best of everything around the corner

2. Having _everything_ delivered

1. Real culture

*Kiersey*

I took the Kiersey Temperament Sorter and was told I'm an idealist/counselor (INFJ). An old friend turned me onto the test. This is so dead-on it's scary:

"Idealists (NF's), as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self--always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination, and they want to help others make the journey. Idealists are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potentials.

"Idealists are sure that friendly cooperation is the best way for people to achieve their goals. Conflict and confrontation upset them because they seem to put up angry barriers between people. Idealists dream of creating harmonious, even caring personal relations, and they have a unique talent for helping people get along with each other and work together for the good of all. Such interpersonal harmony might be a romantic ideal, but then Idealists are incurable romantics who prefer to focus on what might be, rather than what is. The real, practical world is only a starting place for Idealists; they believe that life is filled with possibilities waiting to be realized, rich with meanings calling out to be understood. This idea of a mystical or spiritual dimension to life--things that are not visible or things that have not yet happened and that can only be known through intuition is far more important to Idealists than the world of material things.

"Highly ethical in their actions, Idealists hold themselves to a strict standard of personal integrity. They must be true to themselves and to others, and they can feel quite guilty when they are dishonest, or when they are false or insincere. More often, however, Idealists are the very soul of kindness. Particularly in their personal relationships, Idealists are without question filled with love and good will. They believe in giving of themselves to help others; they cherish a few warm, sensitive friendships, usually with persons with whom they can bond emotionally and spiritually, sharing their deepest feelings and their complex inner worlds.

"Idealists are relatively rare, making up no more than 15 to 20 percent of the population. But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and their idealism has given them influence far beyond their numbers.

"Overview of the Counselor (INFJ):

As a Counselor, you are likely to be committed to the personal development and personal, inner growth of each person in a group or a team. You are not usually a highly visible leader, but you like to quietly work behind the scenes, influencing and guiding others to success. You can see the big picture and understand the inner workings of a group. You are focused on helping the individual reach their full potential. You are private about your things, and you are sensitive. Sometimes you will surprise others with your previously undisclosed interests.

"How You Communicate:

As a Counselor, you are sensitive to each person in a group, and you will speak with all team members to make sure the entire team is satisfied. You will usually be the one to come up with the team's vision and encourage others to cultivate success.

"Idealist Counselors and Career Considerations:

Curious and imaginative, you are happy when you have the opportunity to explore the universe of ideas. You do not usually seek leadership positions and prefer independent work to teamwork. In your ideal job, your superiors create a structure, provide you with resources, set some general expectations, and let you loose. Inasmuch as you are not particularly goal oriented, your ideal job situation provides you a sort of private enclave where you can work autonomously. Like other "creatives" (scientists, computer engineers and even writers and designers), you work best when you can deliver your work products--rather than yourself or your process--to others.

"Counselors thrive in a warm, supportive atmosphere. Of all the types, Counselors have the greatest talent for de-escalating situations. They can almost always find just the "right words." Without realizing it, Counselors "soak up" other people's troubles and become distracted from their own goals.

"Love and Relationships for the Idealist Counselor:

You typically appreciate the rewards that come from serious connections much more than those derived from casual dating or non-intimate socializing as a couple. In love, you're seeking your soulmate. You're apt to want the kind of partner who is willing to be, in Rilke's words, "a guardian of your solitude." Your own vision of life is clear and complex, and you assume that your mate is, or wants to be, similarly centered. That's not to suggest you're looking for a self-centered mate. Quite the opposite is true.

"The Idealist Counselor's Learning Style:

Counselors learn for personal growth and the sheer joy of learning.

Counselors seek out the concepts and greater purpose of learning.

Counselors love to share the results of their creativity.

Counselors synthesize multiple ideas into something new.

Counselors look for the effects."

*Shakespeare*

This soliloquy comes from Shakespeare. I include it here because of its appearance in the stage play of Hair (which my mother and I are going to see on Broadway; this is a phenomenal play/musical, a staggering stage production, which everyone owes it to themselves to go see, tout de suite). This is one of two places I've ever heard the word "mirth" used in song:

"What a piece of work is man,

how noble in reason.

How infinite in faculties,

in form and moving

how express and admirable.

In action how like an angel.

In apprehension how like a god.

The beauty of the world,

the paragon of animals.

I have of late

but wherefore I know not

lost all my mirth.

This goodly frame, the earth,

seems to me a sterile promontory.

This most excellent canopy,

the air--look you!

This brave o'er hanging firmament,

this majestical roof

fretted with golden fire.

Why it appears no other thing to me

than a foul and pestilent congregation

of vapors."

The other place is in a song by one of my favorite song-writers, Loudon Wainwright III, Grey in LA:

"And I suppose Laurie David sure knows

all those cars we drive heat up our earth,

and sea temperatures rise and those constant blue skies,

and brush fires can sure curb your mirth."

*Poem*

Worthwhile

When I lived out west

I longed to have something

I'd be willing to die for.

Now that I'm home again

where I belong in New York

all I have are things

to live for.

Yet many of us still have

this balderdash

foisted on us,

that a life lived

with nothing worth dying for

is unfulfilled.

Preposterous!

A worthwhile life is one

filled with people, places,

and convictions

that make one happy

to be alive.

How could it ever

be otherwise?

As we move on from

the last epoch,

characterized by sin and

suffering, we must all

stand firm in our

understanding that

willingness to die

is in fact a repudiation

of life itself.

Our new epoch is

characterized by action

and cooperation,

and willingness to die

has no proper place in it,

none at all.

Join the chorus:

"We aim to live for

the people we love."

*Quotations*

Poetry is the one place where people can speak their original human mind. It is the outlet for people to say in public what is known in private.

--Allen Ginsberg

Originality is nothing by judicious imitation. The most original writers borrowed one from another.

--Voltaire

Disobedience, in the eyes of anyone who has read history, is man's original virtue. It is through disobedience that progress has been made, through disobedience and through rebellion.

--Oscar Wilde

Books serve to show a man that those original thoughts of his aren't very new after all.

--Lincoln

An original idea. That can't be too hard. The library must be full of them.

--Stephen Fry

A lotta cats copy the Mona Lisa, but people still line up to see the original.

--Louis Armstrong 

Every great architect is, necessarily, a great poet. He must be a great original interpreter of his time, his day, his age.

--Frank Lloyd Wright 

The more powerful and original a mind, the more it will incline towards the religion of solitude.

--Aldous Huxley

A thought is often original though you have uttered it a hundred times.

--Oliver Wendell Holmes

The mind, once expanded to the dimensions of larger ideas, never returns to its original size.

--Oliver Wendell Holmes

*Politics*

I'm ecstatic that Obama decried the 60-year occupation of Palestine, in no uncertain terms. Now we'll just wait and see if this conviction leads to tangible changes for Palestinians in terms of humanitarian and moral justice. One can only pray.

_____

By Matt Frei for the BBC:

"In tight economic times one thing that continues to sell well is the Obama family. The stall outside our office is still flogging Obama tea towels, T-shirts and umbrellas. The New York Times is advertising historic Obama medallions and Time magazine continues to sell its Inauguration Day specials almost five months after the 44th president took the oath. The Obamas have also become an inadvertent product placement phenomenon. The cardigan that Michelle bought from J Crew and wore on her visit to London has been flying off the shelves. The August Wilson play Joe Turner's Come and Gone about black Americans in early 19th century and playing at the Belasco Theatre on Broadway, became a sell out at a time when many theatres remain half empty.

"The Obamas went to see the play last Saturday on a date night out in the Big Apple. I called Blue Hill, the west village restaurant where they dined on organic upstate cuisine, and asked if I could book a table: "Impossible for two weeks," the Maitre d' told me. By the way, Mr Obama's date, which involved a small army of secret service agents, a motorcade and a smaller version of Air Force One, cost the tax payer $24,000 (£14,500). It is a measure of the goodwill towards him that this expense did not cause a flap in hard times. Imagine if Gordon Brown had done the same.... This did not stop David Letterman from having fun with it: "It lasted four hours and cost $24,000. And former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer says 'Yeah, that's about right'."

"My daughter went on a school trip to the Washington restaurant where the Obamas had dined before they moved into the White House. "I sat at their table," she told me excitedly. Then there is the mobile dog drinking bowl that failed to convince the investors on the BBC's Dragons' Den but did convince Michelle Obama. Bo, the nation's first dog, now slurps from it. Orders have shot up. I almost forgot to mention the books. There are the two Mr Obama has written himself--which are still levitating at the top of the best sellers list--and there are other people's books, which have been propelled there because the president happens to be reading them. During the transition, the newly-elected leader was reading Doris Kearns Goodwin's biography of Lincoln, Team of Rivals. Barack Obama wanted inspiration. The book catapulted up the charts, despite the fact that it had been published three years before.

"Just this week Mr Obama told my colleague Justin Webb that he was reading Joseph O'Neill's novel Netherland, about an uprooted Dutchman in search of a nation. The writer is half Irish and Turkish. He was brought up in Mozambique, South Africa, Iran and England. You can see why the bi-racial president--who was brought up in Hawaii and Indonesia--liked the book. In fact, you might say that the books and their reader gel all too predictably. But that is beside the point. Netherland's sales rose by 40% to 95,000 during a recession when book buying is an endangered activity. But do not expect this president to boost the sales of too many books--he first mentioned that he was reading Netherland a month ago. Mr Obama clearly likes to savour good prose slowly.

"Product placement does not work with every president. George W Bush was an avid reader with a rather eclectic and surprising taste in books. When I interviewed him in early 2008, he told me he was reading Alastair Horne's excellent account of the Algerian civil war called a Savage War of Peace. The book did not pounce onto the best seller list. He also said he was getting stuck into the works of Albert Camus. They did not budge on Amazon--perhaps because no one could imagine Mr Bush cosying up to anything French, even in translation. They could single-handedly revive the stricken advertising market. Not that they will. I could more easily imagine the opposite happening, elsewhere. In Britain, some members of parliament have clearly been forced to fiddle their expenses because they feel they do not earn enough money. Since the taxpayer is unlikely to grant them a pay rise these days, I suggest corporate sponsorship, blatant and unabashed. The moat courtesy of Caterpillar; the duck island sponsored by the Harrods Foods Department. Or why not the new Parliamentary Expenses Reform Bill, brought to you by Rentokil?"

*Music*

Top ten random tracks

12. Lost in Space, Glen Tilbrook

11. The Strangest Thing, Jann Klose

10. One, Tina Dico

9. Naked as We Came, Iron & Wine

8. Man Who Couldn't Cry, Loudon Wainwright III

7. Blackbirds (demo), Erin McKeown

6. I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For (U2), Jacqui Naylor

5. Solitaire, Maia Sharp

4. After the Bombs, The Decemberists

3. Boom Boom Goes the Day, Sean Hayes

2. The Lucky One, Freedy Johnston

1. Speed of the Sound of Loneliness (Prine), Jeffrey Foucault

Peace, love, and ATOM jazz

053109

In fact my new watering hole is right around the corner on 1st Ave. It's young, classy, and hip. The name, get this, is the best part: Sin Bin. My mother laughed hysterically when I told her and said, "Around the corner from your own sin bin!"

I took a few quizzes this week on Facebook. One was "what kind of ethicity

should you be dating?" The answer was African/black. I can't argue. Another was "what is the color of your soul?" I must say this is spot on:

"Red is the colour of fire and blood, and so is associated with energy, war, danger, strength, power, determination as well as passion, desire, and love. Deep inside your soul lie all of these things. You are always the one who keeps everyone else awake at a sleepover, bursting with energy. You're also never the one who's afraid of a fight, as you are strong minded and strong willed. All reds will one day make something wonderful of their lives. Having said all that, you are also a romantic at heart, and quite scary in bed! No one should stand in the way of a 'red', especially weaker coloured souls."

_____

I was unclear in the last installment about the price of the New York Times

on Kindle: everyday is $14 per month! A paper subscription to only weekends costs more than that, significantly.

_____

As of last Friday I am officially bugging out about the state of my home. The hardest part is that I cannot do any unpacking. It's quite dangerous and the MS causes me to get stressed out immediately; stress is MS's bread and butter. So I must rely on others, especially family. Now that I'm back east I have family all over. How a man in my totally disabled position managed to last as long as I did out west, where I had no one, is a testament to how gravely I wanted to prove my ex-wife wrong (I _could_ make it on my own); it nearly killed me but I think I did prove at least that much. The move reminds me of a very important fact: the mental and emotional obstacles of MS are more pressing than the physical.

Folks generally, if they know anything about it at all, think MS is entirely physical. It is critical for all of us afflicted with this terrible disease (which in stark terms boils down to ongoing degenerative brain damage) that there be knowledge in the main that MS necessarily involves severe psychological dysfunction. It's the worst sort of double whammy: one watches as one's ability to function physically in the world steadily disintegrates at the same time as one's ability to cope mentally dissolves into thin air. Moving is second only to losing a close family member in terms of the stress it puts you through. I will survive this somehow (family) and the next time I move it will be to the location of my final stand on this earth: a home I own.

*Poem*

Heart of Us Prays for Us

I discovered the center of the universe.

It's about a block from my apartment,

smack dab in the middle of 2nd Avenue.

I knew it only when I walked through it.

I've searched the world over

and here it's been the whole time.

What a shocker.

On the streets where I first roamed,

surrounded by skyscrapers,

hoping not to be found.

I suspect it moves, from avenue to avenue,

street to street, block to block,

always in motion like the fish

in the wine-dark sea, anonymous, countless,

drunk with being known by no one.

This center point of my return

is the point around which we all pivot,

is truly deathless, is all our days

unfurled before us in a glance.

In fact when I discovered the center

I realized it's inside me,

inside each of us, necessarily.

Where else could it be?

My universe emanates from within me,

stretching out, avenue to avenue,

street to street, out past the rivers

and the oceans, up into the heavens,

beyond the home of the gods

into what cannot ever be known.

But the heart of it all can be found

on any given day hovering somewhere above

2nd Avenue praying for us all.

*Quotations*

The writer's task is to evoke the perfumes of life: sea water, the smoke of burning hemlock, and the breasts of women.

--John Cheever

I celebrate myself, and what I assume you shall assume, for every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.

--Walt Whitman (the first great American poet)

I believe that stress is a factor in any bad health.

--Christopher Shays 

Every stress leaves an indelible scar, and the organism pays for its survival after a stressful situation by becoming a little older.

--Hans Selye 

Stress is basically a disconnection from the earth, a forgetting of the breath.

--Natalie Goldberg

There are thousands of causes for stress and one antidote to stress is self-expression.

--Garson Kanin

No one can get inner peace by pouncing on it

--Harry Emerson Fosdick

We live longer than our forefathers; but we suffer more from a thousand artificial anxieties and cares.  They fatigued only the muscles, we exhaust the finer strength of the nerves.

--Edward George Bulwer-Lytton

Sometimes it seems your ever-increasing list of things to do can leave you feeling totally undone.

--Susan Mitchell and Catherine Christie

Be these people either Conservatives or Socialists, Yellows or Reds, the most important thing is--and that is the point I want to stress--that all of them are right in the plain and moral sense of the word.

--Karel Capek (inventor of the word "robot")

*Nepal*

I lived in Nepal for a few months when I was about 18. From the moment I landed in Kathmandu to the time I left a few months later my wig was completely flipped; the experience changed me forever. I have so many stories from my time there it would be impossible to relate them all; I will choose a few for now:

I was in Nepal on a program through which I learned the language, customs, and history of the country; I also got to stay with a Nepali family for a month and a half. I was, as I continued to be through young adulthood, completely opposed to spending time with other white people; this attitude ruffled feathers among other program attendees. This attitude also made me, as it did in China, excel at the language, which is quite simple. In no time I could speak with fluency. My host family was of the Chetri, or second, class; they were poor but by no means destitute. Instead of spending time at program headquarters (with a bunch of white folks), I spent all my time at home, soaking in the way of life, figuring out how things worked with no running water and no stove and no bathroom, and, best of all, playing with the neighbor children.

I had so much fun playing with the kids I really wanted to do nothing else. In Nepal of coruse they don't have toys (except if you count sticks, pebbles, and the like. What we did every afternoon after school let out was stand in a circle dancing and singing songs. I learned a lot of the Nepali I know from the children. The thing that struck me most was this: the songs we sang were by no means what we westerners think of as kids' songs; they were the same songs they heard their parents singing, about love affairs, dead wives, loyalty, etc. We would be singing, dancing, and laughing while young children sang about girls they were engaged to, or girls they married who then died, or ill-fated river trips. I was amazed at how much I understood, at how accepting of me the children were, and at how precocious their songs were. Eventually I realized they didn't actually understand the songs; they knew how to make the right sounds.

I was the best student of Nepali in my program; unlike the others, I could actually carry on a conversation in Nepali. I will not forget my teacher (we were divided into small groups and each group had their own teacher). She was a brahmin woman (the first class, the priest/monk class) and, being upper class, she was plump and well educated; her name was Sabitri. I had loads of fun going to Sabitri's house (the nicest house I ever saw in Nepal, still a mud shack by our standards), learning to communicate more clearly, learning more about the lives of these people who were so very "other," and playing language jokes. Once I was at another friend's for dinner (eaten, as always, from simple metal trays lying on the floor, sitting on small wooden footstools, with the men eating before the women) and I got to tell a joke, one I'd been saving up (I found in Nepal as in China that the quickest way to hearts was with intelligent plays on language).

I don't remember anything about the joke except the punch line: a wife cries out, "It's dinner time; where is my husband?" That line brought howling laughter from my friends; they laughed because it was funny and because no one present had ever met a white person who could speak their language so well. They also laughed because though Nepali/Hindi culture is patriarchal, it is only so outwardly. Behind closed doors, as always, the women called all the shots. The mother of my host family, for example, once needed to see a doctor because of a nail through her foot. The doctor was all the way on the other side of town (I paid for it of course, though I could hardly afford it better than they could; doctors in Nepal are cheap but I'm quite certain this was mother's first trip to see one). The whole way there mother was sure to walk several feet behind me. Back at home though, with the door closed, the picture changed dramatically:

I was staying in a home which housed a wife, her unwed sister, grandmothers from both sides, and three daughters (Laxmi, Parvati, and Sarswati, the three concubines of the gods). It was very clear, once that front door closed, father and I were to do whatever the women asked of us. Father was happy to have another man in the house; though he was kind and accommodating, his attitude was very much "it's us against them," as if the women were from another planet and the best we could hope for was to be tolerated. Most amazing to me about the memory is this: as different as life is in Nepal, the relations between men and women are the same the world over. My father capitulates to the woman of the house; so does my brother; so did I when I was married. The major difference is that in the west it is socially acceptable for the woman to leave whenever she's good and ready, whenever she's gotten what she wants. Sounds harsh but I know firsthand how true this sentiment is.

Peace, love, and ATOM jazz